You masked my resistance as strength of will and determination to uphold “clean” eating, but all it really was, if you boiled down to it, was neurotic behavior. I spent countless minutes counting calories, planning meals far too in advance, and ensuring every food group in your correct proportion made their way to my plate. You were very specific in your instructions. Like an obsessive addiction, you were intoxicating - my drug and I needed my fix, but it had to be on your terms. You took up my mind, everyday - perhaps even every hour at some points which I regret to admit. And, I apologize if this comes off harsh and critical, but I only mean to acknowledge my reasoning behind the inevitable end of our unhealthy relationship.įirst and foremost, you demanded a dominant presence in my life. I still think of you often, but at least now, it is through a different lens. I will never be able to completely clear you from my mind nor give you an official goodbye. And so, this brings me to my letter, a letter to my old eating habits: Danielle Orie We cannot forget to remember otherwise, we have lost all potential to blossom from the seed of our adversities. Why do we tend to forget about the darkness once we are exposed to the light? Put more simply, what I mean to express is that memories possess the power to reincarnate the existence of things that have left the earth. We forget about the coldness and brutality of winter when we are exposed to the beautiful, blossoming life that spring always brings. They say that old habits die hard, especially old eating habits, but things only truly die when you completely forget about them. I choose recovery.By adding your email you agree to get updates about Spoon University Healthier
#A GOODBYE LETTER TO MY ADDICTION FREE#
It is time for me to break free and be rid of you, once and for all.
I was a shell of a person and I almost lost my life because of you.
The cycle was vicious and I became sicker and sicker. No matter how hard I tried, your promised relief and instant gratification would evade me.
You see, you were no longer working for me. I would begin to feel again and I didn’t like this. But eventually I always came back to the land of the living, and the sadness would return. When I wanted to run and hide, I could call on you to help me achieve that state of apathy, that state of complete numbness which I sought. As time passed, I began to feel numb and disconnected from the reality of my everyday life, the reality which I tried so desperately to escape. You consumed my every waking moment, my every thought. Nobody could take you away from me, and I vowed to never let you go. You became my secret lover, my constant companion and my new best friend. They all disappeared when your sick, sweet voice whispered in my ear, beckoning me to engage in the dance we did day in and day out.Īt first I felt as if I could conquer the world as long as I had you by my side. You took away my pain and my sorrows, my fears and my insecurities, my guilt and my shame. When I believed that I had no one else to turn to, that nobody else was there for me, I could always count on you to be there for me. There was a time that you provided me with great solace, comfort and security. You have served me well for many, many years, or at least that was the lie that I told myself. This is extremely difficult for me to do, but I have to let you go. Goodbye Letter to My Eating Disorder, Anonymous March 2, 2015
0 kommentar(er)
